Count back from 10, 9, 8, dissolve…. I became the Void, the expression of all that is and all that is not. I was consumed by a pure love that I had never witnessed before. There was absolutely no mind and nothing was processed through thought. “I”, the self, Sari, vanished, I couldn’t even remember that I existed. It was the purest form of empty presence. In that moment I was the entire universe observing the universe, pure consciousness, pure awareness. It was ecstatic, blissful, Divine, ineffable.

To describe the experience of the TOAD, aka 5 MEO DMT, is somewhat challenging because you know it happened, but you can’t properly put it into words because there is no comparable reference.  The first time I smoked the compound found in the Bufo Alvarius Toad, I was immediately blasted out of my body into a state of pure bliss.  There was no time to even process what was happening, I had died, and have come back to tell the story.

I could hear the sound frequency of the universe, it sounded like angels in harmony, or the primordial OM, my experience was of complete dissolution, pure presence in the VOID. That was during what I think would have been the first 7-10 minutes, although there was no time and definitely no space.

As I started to slowly return I was overwhelmed by immense LOVE, I had absolutely not control over my body, my thoughts did not dictate my actions, I was in complete surrender to what my Spirit needed in each moment.  I kept yelling pretty loudly, “I need nothing! I am everything!” Rolling around, moving as my body needed to move, feeling so much bliss and ecstasy, it was fantastically orgasmic.

My Shaman played the Devi Prayer a 20 minute mantra in devotion to Pachamana while working with my energy while I was under the influence of this powerful substance. I was aware that he was watching over me, and a few times I could open my eyes and would remember what was happening. That I was a human who had left all reality of form to dance with the Divine Creator.

For the next 30 minutes my body moved in sporadic ways and I kept repeating how much Love I was feeling. As I was coming out of ecstatic bliss I sang one of my medicine songs in Spanish, which is not a language I am very familiar with. 

Translation: ”Open your heart, open your feelings, open understanding and leave reason behind, open the light inside of you, shining as bright as the sun, open ancient memories, hidden within the earth within the plants, below the water below the fire, in your body ancient memories. Open your heart and remember how the Spirit heals, how love cleanses us.” 

As I returned to my body, I felt clear and open, I was completely “sober” after 45 minutes of starting the journey. As I drove to the beach to contemplate what just happened, I realized that my sensitivity to energy was significantly greater than ever before, and I could feel everyone around me.  It was intense! However I had this lasting glow of pure love and bliss as I just experienced myself as the entire universe. All I wanted to do was contact everyone I knew and tell them how much they are loved! This lasted a few hours and then I started talking to people who were not aware of my experience and rather than wait a good 3-days to reintegrate back into society I found myself in a stressful conversation, feeling every cell in my body on fire! I immediately withdrew from my day-to-day reality to cocoon and process alone. 

When we have these experiences sometimes it is very challenging to reintegrate back into the matrix, our physical society.  This was the case for me, I could not believe what had happened, and was so perplexed as to why and how the human race is so disconnected from our true state of being.  It took me a few weeks to get back to being fully present in my body without feeling like I was an alien amongst the living, knowing that very little people remember who they really are beyond form, beyond their identification.

Now having undergone two Bufo experiences, seeing the truth of our unity consciousness, I find it even more challenging to witness how we exist on this planet.  All of this is an illusion and when I say we are blind, I mean we are TRULY blind! We do not see or know how incredible we are, and we are missing out on the reason we came here in the first place, and that is to experience our Godliness, in a form that can continue to create, play, and embody life in such a spectacular way.

When you lose your sense of self, your body, and everything you know, you realize that God does not care about what you do, how you look, what you believe in, because God is YOU and in that Void there is nothing but pure ecstatic love. 

This isn’t a concept of the mind to try to understand, it’s an invitation to get curious, and decide if you are ready to meet your maker. Yourself, your true remembrance.

The plant-medicines, animal medicines, and Great Spirit are calling us to wake up, before we lose the opportunity all over again and end the human race as we know it. In which case we will all be blasted back into the Void and have nothing to return to.  I remember after my second journey with 5 MEO, I came back in LOVE with my body. I was so grateful to have this existence and experience where I had the privilege to create whatever I wanted, in the most beautiful way.

This is who we are, we are Divine creators, co-creating our collective and individual realities and ultimately no God cares what we do, no one is coming to save us, we can only save ourselves because we are all part of the everything and nothing that has breathed life into our existence.

And once the story is over and the curtains go down, we can thank our lucky Toad for reminding us that we always return to Love. AHO.